500 dollar underwear

[Starman]

A young man walks into Fredrick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer
lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from
$250to $500 in price - the sheerer the item, the higher the price. He opts
for the sheerest item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on
and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so
sheer that it might as well be nothing.
I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, then return it tomorrow, and keep
the $500 refund for myself."

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

[Starman]

A lone American soldier is riding on a crowded London train. He walks around the train trying to find a seat but no luck. He sees an English woman sitting with her poodle in the seat next to her.

The American asks: "Please miss, would you put your poodle in your lap so that I can sit down?". The English woman replies: "Young man, don't bother us, go away."

The American, trying to avoid trouble, takes another walk through the train and still can't find a seat. He goes back to the English woman with the poodle and asks again: "Please miss, I'll even let the poodle sit in my lap, just please let me sit down."

The English woman yells: "Young man, I told you to go away and don't bother us, if you don't get out of here right now I'll call the Guard and have you removed".

By now the American has had enough. He picks up the poodle by the scruff of its neck and throws it out of the train window.

All this time an English gentleman has been peering over his newspaper and watching the exchanges between the American soldier and the English woman.

The Englishman says:" You know, you Americans are quite strange. First you drive on the wrong side of the road, then you use the wrong currency, and now you throw the wrong bitch out of the window."